Grocery Store Woes

The story I am about to share is a FIRST for me on my Motherhood Journey". By the time child number four arrived, I was feeling quite comfortable in my experience as a mother...but I must say that it is THIS child who has the ability to leave my jaw hanging speechless ~ time and time again. She is now four years old. I think she is part human - part alien. The human part comes from my side...

Actually, I've decided to lodge a formal complaint with the Baby Manufacturing Department...they forgot to include the Instructions/In-Case-Of-An-Emergency Manual with this one!

I was standing in the check-out lane at the grocery store a few weeks ago. I was fishing around in the bottom of my purse for the "free turkey" coupon I'd been saving (it and all the former grocery lists were having a party down there), talking on the cell phone, and eyeballing the ringing prices at the same time, to be sure I was not being over-charged. Somewhere in the far distance I heard the dreaded question, "Mommy? Can I buy some candy?" My distracted response, "No way! With ALL that Halloween candy still sitting at home, I'm not about to actually PAY for more!"

The few minutes of silence that followed lulled me into the false sense that my words had been the final round and I had won this battle, until...

"Ahem! Excuse me Ma'am? Ma'am? Excuse me...?" Finally, the tap on my shoulder successfully honed my attention to the speaker...another grocery clerk.

She sheepishly pointed to my four year old whose total attention was absorbed by the candy selections directly in front of her nose - at eye level.

Let me take a side track here: Who is the IDIOT RESPONSIBLE for the brilliant marketing plan to place ALL UNHEALTHY, MONEY-WASTING CANDIES directly within EYES, NOSE, MOUTH AND HANDS reach of ALL toddlers and small children at the grocery check-out lanes???

This person should be entirely super-glued with a gazillion candies of all flavors and then strung up like a pinata within swinging-reach of 100 screaming 1 - 8 year olds!

The clerk said stuttering, "Um, your little girl is...um...putting candy in her...um...pockets."
My first thought was, she doesn't HAVE any pockets. So the million-dollar question of the day is:
Where does a four year old who really, really, really wants some candy, whose mother said no, and who does NOT have pockets... put the candy that she can't live without???



*****Drum roll please*****!



Yes! IN her PANTIES!!!!!

I feel terribly sorry for the unsuspecting souls who came behind us that day and purchased candy.

Moral: Select and purchase your candy from the very BACK of the candy box! It's much safer!